Sunday, 11 September 2011

‘I’m a little bit Christian – I’m a little bit atheist’.

When it comes to religion I am pretty open minded, I don’t mind listening to people talk about their religious experiences or how they feel about their chosen God but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m going to take on their beliefs.
I was christened into the protestant church as a child...I’m not quite sure why considering neither of my parents are church goers but yeah I guess that is how it works these days.  People get scared thinking that if their child dies young they’re going straight to hell.  I wouldn’t go as far to say that I’m opposed to my parent’s choice it just seems rather pointless if they weren’t going to raise me through the church.  Although I did go to both the Rainbows and the Brownies as a child and I suppose to an extent that is religion based but I didn’t really think about that at the time, I was more there for the social aspect of it all.
But I did think about God occasionally as a child, more so after religious services at school and I do recall praying sometimes so even as a child I was open minded towards religion.  My parents never took me to church but there was a time in my life where I went to church every Sunday with my friend and her family and although I hated the early mornings, I did enjoy going.  Then I became a teenager and I just stopped going, it felt a bit fake going to a church when I wasn’t practicing what was being preached and that is the main reason that I don’t attend church today.
I would label myself agnostic because I’m open to all options including Big Bang Theory and Evolution but as I’m not a science fan I pretty much just brush over evolution.  But even though I agree with the Big Bang Theory I struggle to comprehend that nothing created the Big Bang.  I definitely agree that there is a higher power out there, I just don’t know who or what exactly.  I believe that the world is too complex for it just to appear, someone had to design it. Part of me also thinks that there other worlds out there too – which do not have the same flaws that planet earth does.
I may be selfish of me but when things go wrong in either my life or of those I love I always pray and I suppose it is to the Christian God but towards the end I always find myself thinking of the darker side.  I look at the world and see how evil it can be and think that Satan perhaps has a stronger foothold on the planet than God does or maybe God and Satan are the same person.  This argument often goes round and round in my head and I never come to a clear conclusion - hence why I’m agnostic. 
I’m the kind of girl that needs proof to believe and although arguably there is proof of religion – it just isn’t strong enough for me to wholly believe.  I do believe in the supernatural though and if you can class God as a supernatural entity then yeah I do believe.  I feel it is disrespectful to label God on the same level as ghosts and demons though – as the later are associated with ‘evil’ mostly. 
I don’t know very much about any other religion other than Christianity, I know a little about Islam but mainly just the same information that any educated person would know.  Looking at my personality and looking at my lifestyle I think perhaps I just don’t like the commitment.  I don’t like the idea of having to live my life by rules that are not my choice and then feel guilty about them afterwards.  I would rather just do my best at being what I feel is a good person and enjoy my life.  I do admire those who do life good Christian lives though for no reason other than that is how they want to live their lives.  In general I admire people who have strong back bones to either follow or not follow but for the correct reasons. 

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